A Bad Boy and a Good Guy
Being a man with both passion and purpose.
by Jason Illian
April 12, 2006
James Bond. John Wayne. James Dean. Indiana Jones. These men always got the girl at the end of the movie. Not only did they fight the good fight, they did so on their own terms and didn't care what anyone else thought. Men wanted to be like them and women wanted to be with them.
Have you ever noticed that women often go for this "bad boy" image? Why is this? Shouldn't a woman after God's own heart desire a man who's thoughtful, courteous, polite, and nice?
Despite what you may think, part of being a man after God's own heart is being a bad boy. And wanting a bad boy isn't some genetic flaw like power shopping. God designed it this way. He knowingly instilled the desire in women to have an impact, to be part of an adventure. Women like bad boys because they're dangerous and bold. They don't set out to be nice. They break rules, ignore traditions, stir up chaos, and live life on the edge. They're rebels who are tough, unbound, and free. They're not just going through the motions—they're fully alive. In many ways they're like … Jesus.
And if you think about it, Jesus was both a good guy and a bad boy.
Of course, the power of Christ's life was that he didn't set out to be a good guy or a bad boy. He wasn't so concerned with what he was doing, but the reason why he was doing it. He remained completely true to the call on his life—to glorify God and to sacrifice his life for our sins—and at times circumstances arose where remaining true to his passion made him the bad boy.
I wish I could say the same about many Christian men. Unfortunately, many of us have made our walk with Christ about as adventurous as gardening. I'm not suggesting we have to drop-kick the neighbor's poodle or rob the local 7-11 to get our mojo back. But we do have to be willing to be bad.
Many of us have a warped view of who Jesus really was and how his message was accepted at his time. He was the soft-hearted savior who wept at the news of Lazarus' death (John 11:35) and the tender judge who forgave the adulterous woman (John 8:11), but as Paul Harvey often states, there is more to "the rest of the story." Jesus was a rebel. In the name of God, he made a whip of cords, overturned tables, and chased businessmen out of the temple (John 2:15). He broke Old Testament law (Exodus 20:8, Deuteronomy 5:12) and infuriated the religious elite by working and healing on the Sabbath (Luke 6:1-11). He questioned authority and refused to respond when it wasn't in line with his purpose (Mark 11:27-33). I doubt when people met in the market that anyone referred to him as a "nice" or "good" guy.
But, for lack of a better term, he was a good guy too. He was good not because he conformed to predetermined religious standards, but because he conformed to the will of God and was obedient to the calling on his life. Most of us think we struggle with faith, but what we really struggle with is obedience. Christ set an example by being "good and faithful" to his heavenly call while being "dangerous and unpredictable" to the world in which he lived. He was the perfect blend of both purpose and passion.
The key to balancing the "good guy" and "bad boy" characteristics is radical obedience to God's call on your life. Circumstances will change, but when Christ is your compass there will be times when you're considered a good guy and times when you're considered a bad boy. Men who are intriguing and attractive make decisions that are obedient to Christ's call on their lives, regardless of the repercussions. They do what's right even if no one else is doing it. And they stand proudly on their decisions. They don't assume to know all the answers, but they're willing to step out in faith and be decisive.
If you're a woman and you desire a man whose soul is rugged and whose life has flair, please understand this isn't a sin. Your spiritual DNA is intricately woven in such a way that you yearn to complement a man who wants to make a heavenly impact. But even though your desire may be in the right place, your application can be faulty. If you scan the ranks of your single Christian friends, I'm sure you'll find at least one girl who's misunderstood the tug on her heart. For example, I have a friend named Christine who has a habit of dating adventurous men, but not adventurous godly men. She dates musicians who don't go to church. She dates outdoor enthusiasts who don't read the Bible. She dates world travelers who believe "all roads lead to heaven." In essence, she dates men who have passion but no purpose. So time and time again, she gets her heart crushed. If a passion doesn't have a foundation, it will eventually crumble.
I've spoken to thousands of women over the last year and the common denominator in nearly every conversation is that they want a man who's a leader and who exemplifies authority. Men should certainly be sensitive and considerate of their girlfriends, but not so much so that they ignore the pursuits and passions God's placed on their hearts. When we're overly sensitive, we aren't godly; we're wimpy. As men, we often fail to realize that what makes us attractive is our faithfulness to our passions, even when it's unpopular.
There's a fallacy in the Christian world that a "mature, godly, romantic" love is one that's void of feelings and passions. Somewhere along the way—probably between thinking Britney Spears could sing and Paris Hilton could act—we began to believe that unconditional love is without a spark. We couldn't be more wrong. It's this passion, this spark, that ignites a relationship and keeps it burning for life. Love isn't about feelings, but it's about convictions and passions. And when men forfeit their convictions to be nice, polite, good guys, they stop being the boyfriends and husbands God designed them to be. We need to load our iPods with a little old school Michael Jackson and be reminded of the desire to be "Bad." For God's sake, we need to do it. For women's sake, too.
It may appear that being a "good guy" and a "bad boy" are contradictory traits, but it's just the balance that men need to be warriors and comforters, leaders and servants, husbands and sons. Women often fall for the "bad boy" not because their hearts are misguided, but because they're being obedient to the call in their lives. Now it's time for men to do the same. It's time for men to have both passion and purpose. So, I guess there's just one last question to ask…
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha goin' do, whatcha goin' do?….
